As much as I tried to hide my boyfriend during freshman year from my teammates, it was inevitable they were going to find out. My freshman year of college at Villanova, I told myself, “it's four years, just fake it” because now that I was a Division I swimmer I really thought I couldn’t be out.
I was afraid of telling my teammates that I was gay because I feared they would look at me differently or my guy friends would distance themselves. At the same time swim practice meant lying to my coach and teammates - the people I called my family. I would consistently use training as an excuse to not date. I dated a few girls, but never anything too serious. Swimming was my outlet, my distraction and my excuse. On top of everything else I was a competitive swimmer, a sport known for being “more gay” because my uniform was a tiny piece of fabric just large enough to cover “my stuff” and I went to a private, Catholic high school. High school was four years of confusion, depression, anxiety and all other emotions you feel when you’re hiding who you are every day. I was always good at hiding my emotions and pushing my feelings deep inside, so I had no problem hiding that I was gay until high school. A difference that was hard to comprehend because I grew up being taught that men were essentially programmed to marry women and that is how the world works. I always knew there was something different about me from my friends. Growing up in Trabuco Canyon, in Orange County, Calif., going to church on Sunday and having chapel twice a week at my elementary and middle school definitely was a challenge. He went there hoping to swim, but an injury cut short his career.īefore we tell you the story of how two gay swimmers helped each other come out, we want to share some background about each of us. Josh Velasquez attends the University of Arizona. We wanted to share our stories.Īxel Reed, will graduate this spring from Chapman University in Orange County, Calif., where he was a swimmer. We don’t know where each of us would be without the other. We came out to each other via text, and our bond and friendship has only grown. Note: “McInturff, Steve Book, Delaware O.We’re two swimmers and best friends, both in college, who happen to be gay. Photo strip, undated, 35 x 27 mm, provenance: US, (image courtesy of the Nini-Treadwell Collection © “Loving” by 5 Continents Editions) Photograph, 1951, 121 x 83 mm, note: “1951” “Davis & J.C.” (image courtesy of the Nini-Treadwell Collection © “Loving” by 5 Continents Editions) Photograph, Undated, 96 x 67 mm (image courtesy of the Nini-Treadwell Collection © “Loving” by 5 Continents Editions) Cabinet card, circa 1880, 167 x 109 mm, provenance: US, The book, Loving: A Photographic History of Men in Love 1850s-1950s (5 Continents Editions), is available online. When we see them as connected, we feel more whole, and that’s what love is about for many of us anyway. Seeing ourselves in the past is as much about being certain of our present and, dare I say, our future.
What do images of men in love during a time when it was illegal tell us? What are we looking for in the faces of these people who dared to challenge the mores of their time to seek solace together? Flipping through the book, it wasn’t that I felt that I learned a great deal about being LGBTQ, but what gave me comfort was the feeling that we’re not going anywhere. While the majority of the images hail from the United States and are of predominantly white men, there are images from Australia, Bulgaria, Canada, Croatia, France, Germany, Japan, Latvia, and the United Kingdom among the cache. The collection belongs to Hugh Nini and Neal Treadwell, a married couple who has accumulated over 2,800 photographs of “men in love” during the course of two decades. In Loving: A Photographic History of Men in Love 1850s–1950s, hundreds of images tell the story of love and affection between men, with some clearly in love and others hinting at more than just friendship. Hunter” (image courtesy of the Nini-Treadwell Collection © “Loving” by 5 Continents Editions)Ī beautiful group of photographs that spans a century (1850–1950) is part of a new book that offers a visual glimpse of what life may have been like for those men, who went against the law to find love in one another’s arms. Postcard, circa 1910, 90 x 141 mm, note on front: “E.